It has been awhile since I have written here, but I suppose that means that things are going well considering that this is usually my safe and sane alternative for publicly expressing myself.
I am proud to finally say that I feel glad to be here, where I am, now. I am not so anxious to go somewhere new. In fact, I think I could sit right here for a long while.
This is the first time in years that I have really felt as though there are good things going on around me. They come in the form of people, places, ideas, goals, dreams, and feelings. I suppose it is important to actually feel as though we matter. I feel as though I have taken up tasks that are far greater than bashing a ball or serving a plate of noodles. It is not as though I have only ever done these things with my time, but most of my endeavors always felt as though they were being done alone. Now, I prefer to do them with a sidekick, or a posse.
There is no point of living life if we only matter to our selves, our family, or our friends. If we can only touch the lives of those who already care, then we are falling short. For anything can be used to fill that void. For even if you were to die, the idea of "you" would still survive. And, to many who already hold you dearly, that is enough. But, what about all those people who were waiting for you? Those who were longing for you? Those who needed you to get up off of your fucking sofa and give them a simple greeting to make their day? Those who struggle to dig rats from the ground while you throw away your prime cuts or import jam? Those who go everyday with a reality of pure hell , wishing only to have an opportunity, while you use the opportunity to waste yourself away from your petty problems? If you even knew you could do something, would you? Or, would you prefer to just slap them in the face?
I have always believed that one can create his own reality. Play with perception, and all that surrounds you in order to make it into everything that you have ever dreamed. I suppose this starts with our own cathartic experiences. You know, the ones that make you ask, "what the fuck have I been doing with my life"? Once we realize our own shortcomings and acknowledge a better direction, we are able to set the sails of our minds towards a new sea. One based on reason as well as our own experiences. Reject it all. All too feeble. All too absurd. Reclaim it all. Rebuild it all. Revenge it all.
Enough of me bantering on about ethics and morals and other shit that most people probably lack and/or lack the care to even question themselves on. I guess I will talk on some things that are interesting. Perhaps, pepperspray? Perhaps, building occupations? Perhaps, the history of my sex life? Yeah, I bet the feds could even get a chuckle out of that one. I suppose I shall tell a story instead:
I took her picture earlier today. This camera is old and primitive, but it gets the job done. She looked beautiful, as usual. Her cheeks were high and bright. Her eyes were big and bold. But, little did she know, that through my lens, I could only see her heart. She can show her smile, but to this lens it is more. It is almost as though I can see into those butterflies that float around in her chest when we laugh or dance. You know, the same ones that I get as we laugh deep into the night. Because in this lens, I see myself too. And I am happy.
I wish I could write more, but my limited vocabulary in the English language is keeping me from doing so. That said, I am working vigorously to perform my sonnet in front of a live audience:
Ellie's leg is in an alley in LA
Noam Chomsky on Miseducation
The Story of Crass
Parecon
Blood of Spain
The Unholy Trinity
Anarchy and Alcohol
Guernica! Guernica!
The Origin and Ideas of the Modern School
Moss Icon
Le Pre Ou Je Suis Mort
Andres Segovia
Crass
Rudimentary Peni
Universal Order of Armageddon
Rogue State
Orchid
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